Heaven bent to take my hand
And lead me through the fire
Be the long awaited answer
To a long and painful fight

Truth be told I've tried my best
But somewhere along the way
I got caught up in all there was to offer
And the cost was so much more than I could bear

Though I've tried, I've fallen...
I have sunk so low
I have messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so...

We all begin with good intent
Love was raw and young
We believed that we could change ourselves
THe past could be undone
But we carry on our backs the burden
Time always reveals
The lonely light of morning
The wound that would not heal
It's the bitter taste of losing everything
That I have held so dear.

The job hunt continues.

You know, I always get screwed because I trust people. I've always been such a trusting person, and I've always just wanted to believe that people are good. But there not, and I need to stop being so naive, and wake up to the real world. As you may know, if you have been reading my past entries, I have been trying to get a full time job, cuz my job right now does not pay enough for me to move out. So, my dad cut out this article for me from the paper about jobs at the post office paying 16 dollars an hour. So, I called them and they said they would send me an application and everything, and that I had to pay 100 dollars to take the civil service test. Well, like an idiot, I believed them and gave them my credit card number. Well, later in the day I found out that it was a scam and there really was no job in the first place. So, now, I am right back where I started 100 dollars poorer. This has just been a really horrible week. I just wish something good would happen.....

Well, it was back to work today, unfortunately. Being gone for that long made me realize just how much I hate my job. Ya, I hate my job and pay it pays crap, but I stay there. So, why do I stay there, you may ask yourself. The answer is, because I am afraid to leave. I have a severe fear of change, even if that change may be better in the long run. I like to feel comfortable, and I know that as soon as I quit there I will have to find another job, and I will have to start a new experience. I feel like I am absolutely standing still. I know what I have to do to be where I want to be, but I am too scared to do it. Life is so monotonous right now, just going through the motions. Sometimes I wish so bad that something exciting and surprising would happen, just to make life different. So, to get myself moving, I am telling my boss that I my last day will be Aug 14. So, by that day I need to have a full time job that pays over 10 dollars an hour, and that I will somewhat enjoy. And, as soon as I have that job I will call the apartment complex and tell them to set me up with an apartment, even if I don't have a roommate by then. Anyone who reads this can bug me about keeping to my plans, I would appreciate it. Well thats all of my ramblings for today, stay tuned for more inner struggle tommorow. :) Hope everyone is doing well, I love you all. :)

PS- If anyone knows anyone who needs a roommate, LET ME KNOW!!

Well, I am now back from my two and a half week vacation. So, its back to work for me. :( I feel like I need a vacation from my vacation. I do think however, that I have accomplished something by camping for the past three days. I used to avoid camping at all costs, but I think I have made peace with nature, and would love to do it again. Hmmmm, my clothes and my hair smeel like woodsmoke, that could send mixed signals.

Good driving song: Linkin Park- Don't Say